I want to fly

without realize that a week just pass away, my life was surrounding by unfinished of task
beside working, reading, learning, and outing others of my time was use to sleep
everyday i was repeating listen to a song sang by xu fei- i want to be fly
slowly i was walking out from the sadness and upset,i very like lyric for the chorus of this song

"never mind doesn't matter what is lost, will be no trace

every time let the tear flow back to my heart

to irrigation the dream and create the miracle

i want to be strong and is not a shoulder for rely

a embrace is a place that can stop me from moving forward

world is so crowned and rush

use all the lonely time to applause for ourselves

I want to fly in the sky but not to borrow a pair of wing from others

freedom is a place that can be measure with distance

with the journey alone to gain the growth"

this song let me find back the direction, i know i did my best
doesn't matter what is the result, at least i won't feel sorry to myself
i won't regret, won't sadness and sorrow, because that was life
doesn't means that you work hard you must get something that you wish
I will work hard to irrigation and realize my dream and open up the miracle in future of my life~~~

At least that is a memories for you to recall the past

This world is amazing and fantastic so, the nature is keep changing. World is full with all kind of endless changes possible happened. Favourite for moment now might become dislike in a second after, love for moment now might became a hate, is yours but might happened not belong to you in time of blinding your eye. Is all happened might just in a short time until you didn't realize and believe that can happened just in a short while. So, I never force myself to get something that not belong to me and never put any effort for something that not always be mine no matter is memories, thing or human. This doesn't means I was cruel, but is the time to change me and the environment make me grow up. Suddenly, I understand that once was so beautiful but we never got the chance to back to the past. If now that is what you like or love,used all your strength to like or love until one day, you realized that you no longer like or love, I believe at least that is a memories for you to recall the past

"You will getting marry earlier than me....."

Yesterday I hear a sentence that make me confuse and think serious on it "you will getting marry earlier than me....." this sentence was said from a friend. After listen to it, I feel that uncomfortable and this make my brain to start work again to think out why he said so. A lot of memory in my mind was recalled. I found that in the previous of our human life mostly is living under the situation that taking care of others people because we stated by the rule and the view of moral from society.

If we do never change our mind set, I think no matter the previous history for 10 years in your past or the future 10 years for your life that still the same situation. You are all the time living in the situation that always needed to take care of others. This not a easy task but is a kind of heavy responsible or burden for us. Some of the time even make yourself lost because you are putting your center of life on others not to yourself.

Suddenly, I found that who can be parents were great. They were sacrificed half of their life to take care of the children, to grow them up, to educate them. For me, that was a really burden task and responsible for me because in the previous 10 years i was the center of rely for others. So, I knew it that the responsible to let others rely is not easy. So, I decided that in the future of 10 years I don't wish that to be the rely for others and I won't be the burden rely to others also. I preferred to live happy and alone without any burden on my shoulder.

Discover the rainbow after the rain

recalled back every yesterday,
live peaceful through every today,
fantasy every tomorrow




















I found that life can be so simple, and so complicated
Important is what the heart is willing, followed the step of it
no matter what is the final result, at least never regret to the choice even there might be happiness, madness, sadness, tough, and suffering......
this is not a torture, but a process of growing
thanks to those had attended in my life and added a beautiful rainbow memory in my diary of life
even though there might be thunderstorm days, but this make me more cherish the rainbow after the rain

I thought.....

I thought I would be good, I thought would be cool,
I thought I not too concerned about it, I thought won't sad, mad, heart pain
I thought I would be very strong to live alone, but it seems I no longer able to laugh when I' m alone
specially the time when i was alone the tears will be like the waves came surging like rough
I thought tears sliding down because of gravity
So I try a lot of silly way to avoid the tears fall from cheek
Finally I found a way that I thought it will work
that is as long as I lying back on the floor and the tear won't fall due to gravity level
I believed the tears will flow back into the eyes, will not slide down
but it still failed, it still has way to fall face again
Even is painful, even sad, even mad, but I still brave to face the decision i choose
Break your heart is my fault, I am sorry about it
I don't wish to hurt once again on you before I think about it detail, if yes so I won't be able to forgive myself for this time at all
I'm sorry about hurting you ~ ~

eat, sleep, working......

what is doing everyday?
eat, sleep, working......
such a simple thing but it was tiring
no any personal time, freedom, space
since like leaving the unhappy house come to new house not much changed
don't want to live like that anymore without meaning, without time, without aim
is sick now, thought for whole night finally i decide to let myself indulgence for last today
let sick getting serious, let willfulness and coddles myself for one more day
tomorrow will never waste life and never wait for the coming same of myself for tomorrow














don't want waiting for the same tomorrow come, want to create another new, fresh and advance unknown tomorrow that waiting for me

Prunus Mume

Prunus Mume was special and different
its won't fight or compete beauty with others flower
its can be stay living alone in the winter cool weather
and only its are suit to describe the people who work harder to get success and achieve goals

never get any biting cold in the winter,
you won't got the Prunus Mume blossom in your nose

now, i just like the Prunus Mume living in the winter
facing against the cold winter make me feel trembling (over grim and unconcern situation)
begging myriad of the snow almost cause me to break my branch (over enthusiasm situation)
living in such a critical situation is totally trapped yourself into the whirlpool

i believe for a foolish and stupid person is stand in this situation in short while, they must know to guard against so
if long term is a kind of stress for mental damaged. So, the best is lives in simple and it more suit to normal human life....
really looking forward to the arrival of spring~~~

Birthday~

24 years ago today, parent was give me the chance to come this world. Every year for today is the date that should be remember is the happiness to thanks them.

thanks for take good care of me, let me grow up healthy
thanks for give me unlimited strength and support, let me choose the way i wish to go
thanks for give me join in a happy family and sweet home, let me know and understand what is love
thanks for silently keep giving to me..........

when I'm in helplessness, give me feel a warm home
when I'm in afraid, give me a place to escape and protect me from outside attack
when I'm loss, give me a light sport behind me and let me to find my direction

thanks very much that brought me to this world, let me feel what is love, give me chance learn how the life go on.

i was a BIrd in the past life

i might be a bird in my pass life, a wounded bird. So, i was awareness, i were flying, non stop flying.....but when i had a tired, i take a rest on the branches. Then continue to fly, never stop to fly......to see every rainbow in the world, to advance every corner in the world. After take a big round around the world and then back to the origin, there is a place forever waiting for me....


been patient waiting, give me the chance to fly over the world
been quietly observing, give me the time to willful and indulging
been silently listening, give me the strength and encourage to walk over what i willing for

Recall back my memory

Today my aim was finish early and the time for my sleepy worm attack is not reachable yet. Suddenly found that recently my lifestyle is returning back to time that i was study in campus. Feel miss the time that together work overnight with room mate. Even everyone is just busying with own stuff but at least we were together. Even we non any communicated while we were doing our things but that the best feel that for me because they were surrounding of me. That is the time that i miss very much until now.

Yet,now i only can refreshment back to the time i was there and trying to imagine and get back the feel they were with me even just do nothing, just in sleeping, just facing in front of own laptop, just busying doing own homework or drama....eventually i still will feel better because they were just next to me....

Now the time can't be returning, we are stepping our step go forward our own road. I only can refresh back the time we had together for the pass in my memory....wishing everyone of them have a good life and healthy always..forever i will pray for them....

Even for the long time i was alone to living and i totally agree and admit that time to alone still the best choice for me, but living together in harmony with others weren't bad so. Even organism such as plant, animal, microorganism even spirit and soul also can't be separate from the living....everyone of it is playing and important characteristic......that is how the world for now, that is that nature.....

Live in the moment, enjoy and appreciate in the moment and never wait for tomorrow

suddenly found the life is too short for us
even we work effort and plan good for future
but often a lot unexpected might breakout our plan so
today don't know what is the tomorrow happened even next second
the power of living is insignificant
may be in a second time unpredictable happened
we might disappear in the universe become a bubble, become air, become the past, become a memory
suddenly i see clear and even understand well a lot
we should live in the moment, enjoy and appreciate in the moment and never wait for tomorrow
shout out your love to the person that you love, let them know that you love them and don't let it become a sorry
use fully your strength to help more people that need our help
use the unknown time left that to walk and view the world change
to complete the commitment to my own-self, to the one i love, the world

*silently pray for the countless victims in Japan that you all can continue the journey of your life with happy and healthy. Please be glad that you all are alive to have the ability to make all impossible and time to change the world so

Mirror in the heart

how important your position in my heart that can make me to share you every secret in my heart? i don't want you to disappeared from my world at all. the love from you make me feel helpless and confuse. at last, i found that my heart is always rely on you so much. even though can said you just like a mirror to myself, but when face you i know what i really want so clearly. somehow will scare that you are understand myself well better than i understand myself so. You just like the mirror in my heart make me a bit surprise , a bit scare, a bit happy. thump thump....my heart is beating more powerful and make i feel doubt that i m still alive?? wondering why this world have a person understand better than the person herself? is that my soul already out half from myself or i only half of myself since beginning??

Wondering

my heart still wondering what i m decided is the correct?
wondering what i hear is just a sweet dream?
when the sunrise i coming everything is come back to normal
that was just a dream for me....
is really unrealistic for me and hard for me to accept so
may be is not because others not confidence to me
but is myself not confidence to myself so
even now already promise to receive the task and responsibility
but i m still wondering my decision is that right?
can you help me to gain my confidential on myself to trust that my decision was right

Voice of a Bird

in front of me are fog,i stop at the branches waiting because i can't see though the distinguish
my head keep turning left and right, i don't know the right direction of it to me
trying to away from the insecure feel but doesn't success
thinking to fly free in the sky, but I'm hesitant
open up my wings, but i' m looking back to the past of myself
how naive and happiness i can just bounce on the branches without any worry
but want me back to past of myself, i really not willing so
don't want to fear of loneliness by forever not leaving my home
don't want because of anyone and let go the chance to learn flying myself
don't want to fear of falling and let myself to avoid from facing
don't want because of any concerns that influence me for missed any rainbow at every corner of the life

may i give myself three wish for this year??

few days more will be rabbit year so, we are sending away tiger year and welcome to rabbit year
unconsciously I m going to experience the second rabbit year in my life so
may i asked the wish for who born in rabbit year will come true this year?
if really so, i won't greedy, i only want to give myself three wish for this year
.......recited silently my wish in my heart......
if there is a god, i hope that you can hear my desire
help me to identify the best direction for me, so that i won't lost and hovering in the crossroad
help me protect all my most treasured, so that i won't feel insecure and anxious
give me the strength and give me the courage to face whatever happened, so that i won't regret to make the decison

m i CHanged to another of me??

people telling me that i m changing
think think think.....erm...erm...erm
m i changed so from the previous of myself???
i don't think so...
may be yes for some small change due to environment
i admit that there is a small changing in myself
like in term of living style, such as
i change to schedule on time sleep and wake up
i change from need people wake up and now no so
i change from listening mandarin song but now less (signal receive radio mandarin no good here)
i change from join plan and now plan myself
even there is a small change due to environment but i m still myself
i m having fun for my new life at penang here and quite enjoy with it even sometimes will miss my home and my dog....
now i can make decision due to myself and thank to them for trust me so much in my decision.....

14/1/2011, friday

a lot happened on this date. firstly, early in the morning found that the house is being throw so act and modernist like a painting drawing on the wall.....














followed by the lunch should be take 90 minutes but we take 150 minute to finish because we go buy iphone 4 and this become a secret me and those guy with me go out eat. we told others that car cannot start after we ate....kekeke....














end of the days of friday is the annual dinner of my company internship.

entertainment myself in intern Boring Life

stay alone....
feel like the life is boring and meaningless
don't ever know how the day had pass
two weeks almost pass without realize
slowly getting used to live alone
now is really the life of living independent
not to rely of anyone on trivial thing like wake up me from sleep
and now i learn to solve problem my own-self, eat alone, cinema alone, shopping alone
but occasionally will feel bored and lonely
so will quietly reading, listen to music or cleaning up the room
or else will hang on call with family and friend to spend time on chatting
now i can live happiness and enjoy my life my own
later on i will start swing my wings and carry my bad to start my daily of travel alone soon