Human born to be alone and lonely

Why a person who living good alone is a kind of fault in others view point?

 People surrounding always have a mind that single that person must be had some personal problem. A person in single status can be a lot of reason. Single not means that the person is problem and single can be an excellent and impressive person

Single is a choice. We chosen to be single rather than the single to choose us.

 "Single" for most of the people is alone and lonely but they never notice that there are happiness and freedom that only single can have it. May be you will told that "If you were sick, how good if there is someone to take care and care about yourself." Yes, you are right. But seem like human forgot that we live is for alone and lonely, forgot they were born to alone and lonely. There is no one forever to be stay beside with anyone. That should be the reason why human keep looking for the another  missing of themselves to forgot the alone and lonely. So, as long as we are still alive lonely and alone forever will not leaving us.

Human behaviour change due to time past

I still remember that time I was ignorance, I was 17 years old and I came out with sentences like this that

"Handphone is luxury for me, it was an excess for me. Even though without the handphone, I still can live in happy, the human in the past also can alive without the invention of handphone"

But now what my life is my handphone never away from me more than 10 minutes
How funny in this case, after all now I will ridicule my childish to say that sentense

Now I found that nothing is absolutely and I found myself change due to the time past
In the past, I were absolutely told you loudly and strongly believe that I will not change myself in anytime, I were the same as the previous, now and future
But now I will recall back the my stubborn bring me a lot of painful and wasted in time
Even though I still will said I am still the previous of myself to others, but the truth is I were change and not the exactly myself in the past so
In the past some of the mind and thing that I cannot accepted, now I able to open my mind and heart to accepted that and managed to come out from the column to analyze from different view

yesterday I went out to have my dinner. I saw it and bought this pairs of sandals for myself. In the past, I only wear the type of beach type shoes. Yet, I want to change to try on it wish it can bring me walk more further with comfortable. There is another pairs of shoes that I bought last Saturday for my work wear. Previously, I got a feel very rejected to wear this type of toes open shoes. I got a mind set that it was not suitable for me but that day I bought it because I want to try on new thing and feel want to open up a different face of myself.

Suddenly feel want to listen this song. This is a share to all the mood of this moment for me just like the song above.

I want to fly

without realize that a week just pass away, my life was surrounding by unfinished of task
beside working, reading, learning, and outing others of my time was use to sleep
everyday i was repeating listen to a song sang by xu fei- i want to be fly
slowly i was walking out from the sadness and upset,i very like lyric for the chorus of this song

"never mind doesn't matter what is lost, will be no trace

every time let the tear flow back to my heart

to irrigation the dream and create the miracle

i want to be strong and is not a shoulder for rely

a embrace is a place that can stop me from moving forward

world is so crowned and rush

use all the lonely time to applause for ourselves

I want to fly in the sky but not to borrow a pair of wing from others

freedom is a place that can be measure with distance

with the journey alone to gain the growth"

this song let me find back the direction, i know i did my best
doesn't matter what is the result, at least i won't feel sorry to myself
i won't regret, won't sadness and sorrow, because that was life
doesn't means that you work hard you must get something that you wish
I will work hard to irrigation and realize my dream and open up the miracle in future of my life~~~

At least that is a memories for you to recall the past

This world is amazing and fantastic so, the nature is keep changing. World is full with all kind of endless changes possible happened. Favourite for moment now might become dislike in a second after, love for moment now might became a hate, is yours but might happened not belong to you in time of blinding your eye. Is all happened might just in a short time until you didn't realize and believe that can happened just in a short while. So, I never force myself to get something that not belong to me and never put any effort for something that not always be mine no matter is memories, thing or human. This doesn't means I was cruel, but is the time to change me and the environment make me grow up. Suddenly, I understand that once was so beautiful but we never got the chance to back to the past. If now that is what you like or love,used all your strength to like or love until one day, you realized that you no longer like or love, I believe at least that is a memories for you to recall the past

Discover the rainbow after the rain

recalled back every yesterday,
live peaceful through every today,
fantasy every tomorrow




















I found that life can be so simple, and so complicated
Important is what the heart is willing, followed the step of it
no matter what is the final result, at least never regret to the choice even there might be happiness, madness, sadness, tough, and suffering......
this is not a torture, but a process of growing
thanks to those had attended in my life and added a beautiful rainbow memory in my diary of life
even though there might be thunderstorm days, but this make me more cherish the rainbow after the rain

I thought.....

I thought I would be good, I thought would be cool,
I thought I not too concerned about it, I thought won't sad, mad, heart pain
I thought I would be very strong to live alone, but it seems I no longer able to laugh when I' m alone
specially the time when i was alone the tears will be like the waves came surging like rough
I thought tears sliding down because of gravity
So I try a lot of silly way to avoid the tears fall from cheek
Finally I found a way that I thought it will work
that is as long as I lying back on the floor and the tear won't fall due to gravity level
I believed the tears will flow back into the eyes, will not slide down
but it still failed, it still has way to fall face again
Even is painful, even sad, even mad, but I still brave to face the decision i choose
Break your heart is my fault, I am sorry about it
I don't wish to hurt once again on you before I think about it detail, if yes so I won't be able to forgive myself for this time at all
I'm sorry about hurting you ~ ~

eat, sleep, working......

what is doing everyday?
eat, sleep, working......
such a simple thing but it was tiring
no any personal time, freedom, space
since like leaving the unhappy house come to new house not much changed
don't want to live like that anymore without meaning, without time, without aim
is sick now, thought for whole night finally i decide to let myself indulgence for last today
let sick getting serious, let willfulness and coddles myself for one more day
tomorrow will never waste life and never wait for the coming same of myself for tomorrow














don't want waiting for the same tomorrow come, want to create another new, fresh and advance unknown tomorrow that waiting for me

Prunus Mume

Prunus Mume was special and different
its won't fight or compete beauty with others flower
its can be stay living alone in the winter cool weather
and only its are suit to describe the people who work harder to get success and achieve goals

never get any biting cold in the winter,
you won't got the Prunus Mume blossom in your nose

now, i just like the Prunus Mume living in the winter
facing against the cold winter make me feel trembling (over grim and unconcern situation)
begging myriad of the snow almost cause me to break my branch (over enthusiasm situation)
living in such a critical situation is totally trapped yourself into the whirlpool

i believe for a foolish and stupid person is stand in this situation in short while, they must know to guard against so
if long term is a kind of stress for mental damaged. So, the best is lives in simple and it more suit to normal human life....
really looking forward to the arrival of spring~~~

Birthday~

24 years ago today, parent was give me the chance to come this world. Every year for today is the date that should be remember is the happiness to thanks them.

thanks for take good care of me, let me grow up healthy
thanks for give me unlimited strength and support, let me choose the way i wish to go
thanks for give me join in a happy family and sweet home, let me know and understand what is love
thanks for silently keep giving to me..........

when I'm in helplessness, give me feel a warm home
when I'm in afraid, give me a place to escape and protect me from outside attack
when I'm loss, give me a light sport behind me and let me to find my direction

thanks very much that brought me to this world, let me feel what is love, give me chance learn how the life go on.

Recall back my memory

Today my aim was finish early and the time for my sleepy worm attack is not reachable yet. Suddenly found that recently my lifestyle is returning back to time that i was study in campus. Feel miss the time that together work overnight with room mate. Even everyone is just busying with own stuff but at least we were together. Even we non any communicated while we were doing our things but that the best feel that for me because they were surrounding of me. That is the time that i miss very much until now.

Yet,now i only can refreshment back to the time i was there and trying to imagine and get back the feel they were with me even just do nothing, just in sleeping, just facing in front of own laptop, just busying doing own homework or drama....eventually i still will feel better because they were just next to me....

Now the time can't be returning, we are stepping our step go forward our own road. I only can refresh back the time we had together for the pass in my memory....wishing everyone of them have a good life and healthy always..forever i will pray for them....

Even for the long time i was alone to living and i totally agree and admit that time to alone still the best choice for me, but living together in harmony with others weren't bad so. Even organism such as plant, animal, microorganism even spirit and soul also can't be separate from the living....everyone of it is playing and important characteristic......that is how the world for now, that is that nature.....

Mirror in the heart

how important your position in my heart that can make me to share you every secret in my heart? i don't want you to disappeared from my world at all. the love from you make me feel helpless and confuse. at last, i found that my heart is always rely on you so much. even though can said you just like a mirror to myself, but when face you i know what i really want so clearly. somehow will scare that you are understand myself well better than i understand myself so. You just like the mirror in my heart make me a bit surprise , a bit scare, a bit happy. thump thump....my heart is beating more powerful and make i feel doubt that i m still alive?? wondering why this world have a person understand better than the person herself? is that my soul already out half from myself or i only half of myself since beginning??

duckweed and frog

duckweed is wandering rootless.........
a wandering duckweed, suddenly met a frog
the fleeding life of duckweed because of him is willing to stay
the worry-free life of duckweed because of him is starting to worry
the lonely time of duckweed because of him is brilliant
when she worries, only him has the ability to let her told and share her trouble with him
when she was sad, his ears is willing to listen from her and his voice is willing to comfort her tear
when she was helpless, even he cannot really help her, but his encouragement give her the spirit to face it
suddenly she found that......
she no longer being her own, she no longer alone
she no longer helpless, she no longer wandering
she no longer fleeting, all this is because she found him
a person that willing to bear her on his shoulder
even though she is wayward, he is accommodating her and consoling her
even though she is wrong, he is forgiving her and willing to remedy for her
even though she is taking adventure, he is conniving her and scenically protect her at behind
because got him, she no longer a fleeting duckweed.....

Effort to live in this moment

few minutes more will be tomorrow
the day after today everything will return to zero
give myself a chance to reset and restart
and fairly give the same chance to forgive others also
restart with a shining and energize of myself
let all the past become a legend
spend and living everything in front with colourful
everyday, every moment, every minute, every second
forget about the former beautiful shine and sadness
no matter the future is good time or adversity, effort to live in this moment

Found

always look and pursuit of elusive distance
the more distance, the more desire, the more pursuit
but forget to look at what have now and stay with us
the closer, the less value, the more unappreciated
everything is so naturally to us until it became a habit
at last happened case no more care about, no more appreciated, and even complained
but once lost of it, just like a bucket of cold water pouring to us
and realized
all the naturally we look at is from the caring
all the non-stop nagging is love to us
all the connive and accommodate to us is the coddled for us
all the inclusive and tolerance come from a precious heart
at last found that the pursuit of elusive distance is the most precious around to us now~~~

Missed the Correct Timing

People keep chasing the footstep of the time. But they never run ahead from it to predict the future and never let them go back to the pass to change to history. So as long as there is a second of different, everything after will become history that unchangeable.

For an example, a victim of road accident in the edges of life and death, if the ambulance is late a second late to rescue on him/her. The fact is he/she will end up journey of life in the incident.Everything after that second is meaningless, they only can open their heart and mind to accept the cruel realistic.

For the same to the best time to eat an ice-cream is the time that just take out from the refrigerator in the solid form. Once missed it will start melted, even though we put it back to freezethe taste and the feel of taste it no longer the best.

Same to the feel also one second late, you will miss to catch it. Everything happened after is meaningless and no longer important because i already give up before that happened. I won't blame anyone because is fate, the only thing I can do is accept on it. At least, you were attended to my life and take a part of memory sharing with me. In the future may be there is still unknown chance for us to meet again, but I know I will be live better than before. I wish you will be the same and always happy so. Forget our regret and pursuit a more brightness and happy future. Hopefully in the future, we can meet the correct people in the correct time.














《如果我们不曾相遇》楼雨晴
Not everything can be "if"
some people some incident some love once missed will never come back
if the tenderest treat is the cruelest hurt
i would rather choose embrace today tender than the lonely for tomorrow
the regret of tomorrow
the happened of "if" in tomorrow

Body getting cold, as well as the heart so

Can you see it? Lightning is upsetting for me
Can you listen it? Thunder is shouting for my tired
Can you feel it? The inserts outside the window is crying for me
listening to the melody of the nature in my ears
looking at the realistic that not willing to accept
feeling the night wind that not worth for me
is myself think that the habit is usual and natural for me~~~
don't want to torture myself anymore, let myself to be happy
don't want to persistent anymore, let myself to open my mind
don't want to expect anymore, let myself away from getting disappoint again
"hu~~~hu~~~hu~~~"
wind, do you think that is right?
wind doesn't answer me, answering me is the sound of the wind
it blow until my body is getting cold and it cooling my heart as well
is time to put a jacket on my own, no longer rely on others

hopeless hamster

suddenly the warm from the far is disappeared?
tired? give up?
even the only link was disconnected?
is a thunderstorm raining day
it washed the land of the earth even soul of human
cold weather, is the time ease getting sick
they wear the jacket to warm the body
but why the warm is not reach to heart, it still shaking
feel like a hamster that fall in the pool that surround by the cats
let it give up the helpless struggling and it was drowning

No lattern mid autumn festival

The moon on the mid-autumn festival look brighter compare to usual. I always having a feel that the moon in hometown is much better compare others. Again is a no lantern and candle light, no sound of laughter mid Autumn festival. Although the long night sky is accompany moon and me but tonight moon is particularly look lonely and sad. When we getting older, time to be at home is less and always busy with our life. But when festival season comes, suddenly we are free from busy and discovered we had forgotten.

someone at home waiting for us~~~

moonlight tonight, do you have a special miss of someone?

TiMe= the best teacher

along the way, time become the best teacher for me.
even he not teach me, even he not guide me, even he not assist me
but he let me to experience myself, to try, to face, to think by myself
the past experiences taught me and created the present of me now and i believe it will success the future of me
a lot of late and hesitant make me missed the best timing
although there are a lot regrets, but he let me understand that i m alive
because of him, i getting stronger
because of him, i learn to treasure and face the cruel of reality
because of him, i learn to face the lonely, learn to accept, learn to face myself honest

Expectation and Disappointment

endless date expectation is bitter

normally human expected is the good outcome
but there are an expected is disappointing outcome
people often not consider the day of disappointment will come
blindly looking forward to the happy ending
not every expectation have the due date
not every expectation have an ending
not every expectation have a happy ending
the higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment
abandoned expectations, aside mind, may be the result is unexpected?
let go all~~