the smile is missing~~~

time is past without realize again a year is pass
looking back to the past flash by flash appear in the mind
found that like a lot is changing around
is human changed? is environment? or time?
slowly then got an answer is because the life let human grow
because the cruel of the life let human clear the ugly and the darkness of the living
from that start to learn facing the like and dislike
learn to be the observer observed the world change from the side
learn not to show any emotion in front of anyone
the happiness is quietly go further and further from human
is human, is the cruel and realistic changed the living no longer warm

duckweed and frog

duckweed is wandering rootless.........
a wandering duckweed, suddenly met a frog
the fleeding life of duckweed because of him is willing to stay
the worry-free life of duckweed because of him is starting to worry
the lonely time of duckweed because of him is brilliant
when she worries, only him has the ability to let her told and share her trouble with him
when she was sad, his ears is willing to listen from her and his voice is willing to comfort her tear
when she was helpless, even he cannot really help her, but his encouragement give her the spirit to face it
suddenly she found that......
she no longer being her own, she no longer alone
she no longer helpless, she no longer wandering
she no longer fleeting, all this is because she found him
a person that willing to bear her on his shoulder
even though she is wayward, he is accommodating her and consoling her
even though she is wrong, he is forgiving her and willing to remedy for her
even though she is taking adventure, he is conniving her and scenically protect her at behind
because got him, she no longer a fleeting duckweed.....

Effort to live in this moment

few minutes more will be tomorrow
the day after today everything will return to zero
give myself a chance to reset and restart
and fairly give the same chance to forgive others also
restart with a shining and energize of myself
let all the past become a legend
spend and living everything in front with colourful
everyday, every moment, every minute, every second
forget about the former beautiful shine and sadness
no matter the future is good time or adversity, effort to live in this moment

A story of crow and fox

A crow standing on the branch have a rest and there is a meat biting inside its mouth.
A fox saw and walk nearer under the tree praised loudly to the crow said:" What a beautiful and noble birds, if it got a nice voice for sure won't be the problem to become king of the birds."
After listen to the fox, crow replied and said:"Who said my voice not nice?"
While it opened the mouth and the meat is drop, the fox got the meat.
The fox eat the meat and said to crow:" Your sound is terrible and you are stupid as well."

This story had been told since young but there is still a lot of crow willing to fool. Even the fox use the same way to trick, but there is a lot of crow is willing to fool. At last the fox got what he want, sadly to say that every crow is same fool. Even they know the fate at last will be the same as the first crow, but they still willing to get in the trick of the fox. This exactly confirmed a sentence of twister in chinese; Jiang Tai Gong is fishing ( those who willing hooked). Others cannot be the fact that fooled us, but the realistic is ourselves do willing to be the fact fooled by others.

Give Up U

every time expectation exchange the disappointed
every time ask for waiting and the end up with waiting
every time is place in the situation passive
is tiring~~~think is time to clear the place so
to you, i do not have the expectation anymore
i don't want a endless waiting date
i don't want to lose until myself-esteem is gone
to you, i only can said sorry
i can't endless waiting a undefined date
i don't want to place at the passive position
i don't want only unilateral effort toward the hard task
and now i decided to give up you~~~~
give up my heart rely on you
give up my soul that hanging to you
give up my persistent to you

Found

always look and pursuit of elusive distance
the more distance, the more desire, the more pursuit
but forget to look at what have now and stay with us
the closer, the less value, the more unappreciated
everything is so naturally to us until it became a habit
at last happened case no more care about, no more appreciated, and even complained
but once lost of it, just like a bucket of cold water pouring to us
and realized
all the naturally we look at is from the caring
all the non-stop nagging is love to us
all the connive and accommodate to us is the coddled for us
all the inclusive and tolerance come from a precious heart
at last found that the pursuit of elusive distance is the most precious around to us now~~~

Missed the Correct Timing

People keep chasing the footstep of the time. But they never run ahead from it to predict the future and never let them go back to the pass to change to history. So as long as there is a second of different, everything after will become history that unchangeable.

For an example, a victim of road accident in the edges of life and death, if the ambulance is late a second late to rescue on him/her. The fact is he/she will end up journey of life in the incident.Everything after that second is meaningless, they only can open their heart and mind to accept the cruel realistic.

For the same to the best time to eat an ice-cream is the time that just take out from the refrigerator in the solid form. Once missed it will start melted, even though we put it back to freezethe taste and the feel of taste it no longer the best.

Same to the feel also one second late, you will miss to catch it. Everything happened after is meaningless and no longer important because i already give up before that happened. I won't blame anyone because is fate, the only thing I can do is accept on it. At least, you were attended to my life and take a part of memory sharing with me. In the future may be there is still unknown chance for us to meet again, but I know I will be live better than before. I wish you will be the same and always happy so. Forget our regret and pursuit a more brightness and happy future. Hopefully in the future, we can meet the correct people in the correct time.














《如果我们不曾相遇》楼雨晴
Not everything can be "if"
some people some incident some love once missed will never come back
if the tenderest treat is the cruelest hurt
i would rather choose embrace today tender than the lonely for tomorrow
the regret of tomorrow
the happened of "if" in tomorrow

Body getting cold, as well as the heart so

Can you see it? Lightning is upsetting for me
Can you listen it? Thunder is shouting for my tired
Can you feel it? The inserts outside the window is crying for me
listening to the melody of the nature in my ears
looking at the realistic that not willing to accept
feeling the night wind that not worth for me
is myself think that the habit is usual and natural for me~~~
don't want to torture myself anymore, let myself to be happy
don't want to persistent anymore, let myself to open my mind
don't want to expect anymore, let myself away from getting disappoint again
"hu~~~hu~~~hu~~~"
wind, do you think that is right?
wind doesn't answer me, answering me is the sound of the wind
it blow until my body is getting cold and it cooling my heart as well
is time to put a jacket on my own, no longer rely on others

hopeless hamster

suddenly the warm from the far is disappeared?
tired? give up?
even the only link was disconnected?
is a thunderstorm raining day
it washed the land of the earth even soul of human
cold weather, is the time ease getting sick
they wear the jacket to warm the body
but why the warm is not reach to heart, it still shaking
feel like a hamster that fall in the pool that surround by the cats
let it give up the helpless struggling and it was drowning

No lattern mid autumn festival

The moon on the mid-autumn festival look brighter compare to usual. I always having a feel that the moon in hometown is much better compare others. Again is a no lantern and candle light, no sound of laughter mid Autumn festival. Although the long night sky is accompany moon and me but tonight moon is particularly look lonely and sad. When we getting older, time to be at home is less and always busy with our life. But when festival season comes, suddenly we are free from busy and discovered we had forgotten.

someone at home waiting for us~~~

moonlight tonight, do you have a special miss of someone?

TiMe= the best teacher

along the way, time become the best teacher for me.
even he not teach me, even he not guide me, even he not assist me
but he let me to experience myself, to try, to face, to think by myself
the past experiences taught me and created the present of me now and i believe it will success the future of me
a lot of late and hesitant make me missed the best timing
although there are a lot regrets, but he let me understand that i m alive
because of him, i getting stronger
because of him, i learn to treasure and face the cruel of reality
because of him, i learn to face the lonely, learn to accept, learn to face myself honest

Expectation and Disappointment

endless date expectation is bitter

normally human expected is the good outcome
but there are an expected is disappointing outcome
people often not consider the day of disappointment will come
blindly looking forward to the happy ending
not every expectation have the due date
not every expectation have an ending
not every expectation have a happy ending
the higher the expectation, the higher the disappointment
abandoned expectations, aside mind, may be the result is unexpected?
let go all~~

Looking For Another Missing Ownself, Hold The Hand Old Ages Together

"Bible" story, God made a Garden of Eden and live with many kind of livings. In the Central Park, there are two trees: the tree of life and wisdom of the tree. God created Adam, so he went to the garden and told him that, in addition to the tree of life and wisdom of the fruit, other fruit he could eat. God sent all the animals to Adam, where Adam gave names to all animals named. , God let Adam have a good sleep. While Adam slept, God removed his rib from his bone use to create Eve, so that Adam will not be lonely. Adam and Eve are live in happy in the Garden of Eden. But one day, Eve believed what had been said by the snake, then she pick two fruits of wisdom. One she eat and another one she give Adam to eat it. God knows that he very angry because of them did not listen to him. Then, he drive them out from the Garden of Eden to the world. As the punishment for them, he put them separate far at the end of two different edges of the world. That what is the reason why all live in the world nonstop looking forward to get a complete own-self. Thus, they nonstop looking for another half of their missing part of themselves. Flowers are looking the missing half of themselves with the help of insects. Same to animals and human, they are keep looking forward to another missing part of themselves. Then, holding the hand of each others walk into the hall, old ages together.

hom3

Home, always the most comfortable and most familiar
the time for waiting home is always long
the feel of happy and willing is fulfill when know there is people waiting us to be home
nothing is more comfortable compare to home, it let me find back the way of myself
it relax and release myself from anxious and stress life
no matter what is obstacle in front, at home i can be the real of myself
no need to face the truth in the untrue life
no need to accept the no pressure situation with invisible stress surrounding
no need force to show the untruth in the true life
home, always is the station for me to rest
let me shortly escape from those don't want to face
it as a balance point for me to achieve equilibrium and a neutral point
at least it can recharge myself for short term and give me the brave and courage to continue carry on the mask for now
the front road might be uncountable obstacles waiting for me
no matter how hard and how tired was the future road, it always give me the unlimited feel of safe...

Mist cover the mountain

dawn is coming, another cycle day was begin
i believe that there were another similar plot played again
different only in term of characters, places and time
i has been deeply convinced that what i believe
even forcing myself not to believe the prove with my eye
but in the end that is no excuse to avoid and hide from the cruel realistic
the blind and stubborn believe will only prove that how stupid ourselves
see the mountain in mist totally is not clear
when mist is blow away, what see though is the rainbow or cliff?

We Believe, because of Love

every living in this world because of love
because of love, we are breathing now
because of love, we are relying on each others
because of love, we are trust in between
even how tough is the future, we believes that we will never give up easy
even you can't be my side in the future, i believe our love still alive
its will continuously growth
because of love, we learn to determine face
because of love, we know to care of others
because of love, we appreciate each others
because of love, we believes~~~

View Point

sunrise?sunset? is depend on personal view point on it~~~
a view point of a person can affect the fate of them
sometimes we want to grip it tied, but the most we grip the most we can't
the same to the thing we care, the most we care the harder to let go
why we can't just open our mind and heart to accept it?
thing is not belong to us how hard u tied and grip it won't be with us forever
although we can control our fate in our hands, but if we try our best and work for it
at last is fail there should no regret on it, the only thing left can do is accept it
open your heart and mind, accepted it~~~
i believe that the fate arrange must be a reason behind
it cause we fail to have the thing the most we want, but there might be another planning ready for us at the corner
belief tomorrow is even better,forgot the unfortunate yesterday, appreciate every second of today
nothing is forever unfortunate except you believe that is the way
nothing is forever sad except you give up yourself
nothing is forever impossible except you step in the same place never move
time is powerful, it change everything for every second running and its never stop for everyone
it only will give a wonderful future to the one who appreciate it
give a sadness to those always complaint and never forgot about yesterday

a Legend Story about Black Rose

a legend about the black rose has been growth of the peak on the Mount McKinley
it also known as the thorn rose, hovering flower, assassin, mandrel rose
it always been in the beautiful growth in the peak of the cliff
its has a poison thorn once thorn can cause the died
but human always been attracting by its beauty
but human always been fascinate for its charming
but human always been fighting to get close to it
although there were the beautiful exterior hides dangerous lethal at the back
but there were always people that approached it because of it charming
even they will lose their life but they still expense to do so

Distance of Heart

everyone have their own way to go in the journey of life
the fate will let them met even they are thousand mile away
as long as the heart distance is close
even end of world will be neighbors, even life and death
each others still manage to use the heart to communicate
through the same thought and live for the others

in others way if the heart distance is far
even fate arrange each of them met face to face
they will still missed out each others
even I pass from your side, you will not feel my existence
even I appear in your eyes, you cannot see my existence
although we are so close to each others
however we are inconsistency thinking
this make our heart is far from each other


the most distant in the world is not the edges of death or live,
but is I'm beside you, you can't feel my existence----modified from Amy Zhang 《荷包里的双人床》

Time to be Alone

Time to be alone, its can be a pleasure just like a bird flying aimlessly in the blue sky.

The whole sky and whole world is only for it, conceit and no one can interfere with to it. This feel like a paradise, carefree and extremely happy~~~



Time to be alone, it can be a type of frightening experience just like the darkness non stop swallowing to ourselves.

Like stay in the bottomless darkness and no way to out from it. This make us scare to forward but also fear to move back. This feel so hopeless, sad, disappointed and extremely mad~~~

Tomorrow will be Better

feel surprise that human can live healthy when they are busy
but once they stop their step, everything trouble come against
it just like always feel missing something from their life
thing and thinking never thought before all come in mind
once stop just felt tired
just want one person alone go to a place without anyone take breathing deeply
let own-self felt the presence of myself
felt want to cry with loud, but doesn't want others to know that
so only can take a deep breath to swallow own voice and let tears fall quitely slide down
looking up at the sky take a smile to myself, believe tomorrow will be better~~~

Soal Code: Reflect own-self

if others treat you good, you should feel extremely grateful for
but not keep repeated requests and blame the others
others is no obligation to serve and help you even is your family member
Have you ever thought your life for?
No one will stop your life, unless you choose to give yourself
only know to complaint and blame on others, but never work hard, is the one who totally disqualify to complaint others
do you ever thought always rely on others is a type of burden to others
there is no free lunch in this world
human is selfish, no one ever paid without asking
that will only appear in the fantasy world and the reality is cruel

concave?microscope?

when two people is far from each others, everything they look like a concave
every imperfect became perfect,they won't requested anything from opponent side
however, when this two people getting close, they look everything like through microscope
every imperfect is enlarging, they not willing to accommodate each others anymore
why do human always willing people surrounding to change?
even the strength at the beginning, after the time pass at last the advantages become the weakness
even though they are maintaining their own self, but then still get the complain
if they change getting worst then complain is acceptable
but then really not understand no change also make the fault decision?
or want to getting worst, others only will miss the previous of the person?
many people wish that others can follow up same step with ourselves
if really this happened so then forever won't be conflict or trouble
have you all think before, if everyone is ourselves,then that will be a situation that myself is no longer myself because this world have a billion million of myself
then what is the different between clone? we are no different between machine and clone
why do human hard to agree with others people?why do human always think that are right?
change others is no easy, but then we can change ourselves thinking
try open up our minds and use another angle to look at the same case that troubling you
may be will get something else not at the surface and get know more from it?why don't try on it?

Life is choice question

even though know that is the best
but sometimes we can't choose it due to a lot of reason
human's life a lot of time live under involuntarily
they have to consider and care about the surrounding them
once can care of a party might have to scarified another party
human's life have to live in the choice no matter like or dislike
even at last we still wish to get a perfect result at the end
but if can't make it, just choose the one most important and you want
at least at the end you won't be regret of your choice
road life is a choice question, we force to live between take and give
human's life is hard to avoid from a lot of regret and sorry
unfortunately, the life that have regrets only can be said is the perfect complete life circle~~~


* translate from the picture
in the pass,i wish myself talk in cool and popular
after, i wish myself to talk in humorous
now, i wish myself can talk all what i really want to say

Caterpillar's day

today i am a caterpillar
i am not going to do anything for today
wake up in the morning brush and wash the clothes
the weather very cool, i am back to my warm bed
continuous wrapped myself tight in the blanket
start again hibernating caterpillar time~~~
no bother anything, even take meals also lazy
like this enjoy my lazy caterpillar's day=indulgence day~~~

Raining day

a raining day~~~
for the first time i saw the speed of the rain
look far and thought can be avoid from it
but then without few second its catch out me
no matter how i speeding still useless
suddenly found i m so stupid and don't understand so why should i run faster so
fate want it to come no matter how we avoid it still will be come to us so
why don't we unrestrained and enjoy in the agony and happiness on it
let the rain hit on the face, let the rain to water our body
let the rain to wash our brain, let the rain bring over all the unhappy
let everything come and go naturally~~~














*i observed rain came from the gate of school within few second already reach to my room

slowly become Habit

sunrise sunset everyday
time flow like waterfall without turning back
without realizing I' m used to everything new at here
without realizing our friendship already so many years
without realizing you all already change my viewing point
Suddenly i found that all without realizing become my habit
staying in the room when there is no class
waiting call and hang on call with you all
willing to meet you guys and together with you all
all this is so used to me and become my habit
time that me realize already to late for change just like drunk
the feel that don't want to change if suddenly change will be feel uncomfortable

used = a part of ours

today very tired again look outside from the window
only got the light and the darkness who with me
all the thing seen like only special for me a person, only for me
no matter the light who is opened and the darkness sky


i used to be stay in room, stay in my own world and enjoy myself
something is hard to change, even change also not one or 2 days can be done
some person to us, we used to be depended on them
some lifestyle to us, we used to be at certain situation
some face of us, we used to be show to certain people
some thing to us, we totally a part of ours cannot be remove
that is the memory that we have and used to be with it
they become a part of our lifestyle even can said a part of us
without them, it might not to consider a complete of us

Trouble Life

Suddenly a question that asked by a friend come in my mind
the same question that being asked for several times
but then every time only perfunctory on it
open up the window and put the head outside the window
let the cold wind blow on my face continuous
rise up my head and look at the shining star hang on the sky
don't understand what i want and mind blurred
feel like got something that not clear and forgotten
repeatably think on it but still cannot get an answer
why don't understand must understand it only will happy?
why blurred must be after clear only can get the target?

trouble life~~~

Home

few day before the heart like lost of somethings
and i don't know the reason for me to be mood-less
now is totally know so the reason because it is fulfill now
i miss home~~i miss johnny~~i miss family~~
even i know should be tired to sit bus for long journey
even i know come back i will be like in maid's life for one week
even i know a lot of job and task is waiting for me to solve
even i know confirm there are a lot of scold because of my finger injured
but i still rather to come back and accept all this challenge and this is my life
feel comfortable to be home now....













*this is the new family member girl girl puppy~~

Lazy Day

weather hot and stuffy
tired, mood less and sleepy
feel don't want to do anything
spinning left and right on bed
sleepy but cannot get in sleep
argh~~~~
all this is because of the weather fault
never mind.....kekeke


let me catch the chance and reason to be lazy for one day
more laziness, more happiness, less problem to think
today i let myself to willful laziness for one day
let mind rest for one day, let body rest for one day
let mood to take one whole day leave

~~~enjoy my Lazy Day~~~

heart control mind? mind control heart?

most people admit is a heart controller
sometimes even know is wrong to follow feeling in heart
but they will did so even know the ending will be trouble
they are not strong enough stand against it
is really hard for those who are heart controller
to stop having the feeling on someone
to stop caring or mind on something
even some times the mind controller also lose to the heart
they lost rational and just floating according to evil heart wish

heart control mind? mind control heart?
which should be better?
heart tell mind action according to feeling
mind tell heart action according to rational thinking

if you are suffer because of heart controlling your mind
just use your mind to control your heart
just need to enlarger and enlarger the evil and bad of the things
you will less suffer compare to follow your heart feeling
like the hourglass just reverse on it and let everything back to origin
if you still fail use your mind to control your heart feeling
just take throw away or leaving away from the things
like throwing the hourglass and destroy it, never let it come nearer to you

if you are suffer then use your mind to control your heart
the decision is on your own hand either you want continue suffer or let it be
no one can help you beside yourself really want to save yourself

Peaceful day

thought is a messy day start from miss bus case today
but now think back should be best thing to me
is a peaceful and quite day for me to be work alone
this is today progress success make 3 moulds still need another 9















own things must do by own self even is how hard is it
rely and depend people help only will fail ourselves
but create a chance to bring success to others
throw away the minded once fail forever will be loser



















this is the machine that make me injured but today i can drive and fully use on it i like and wish no one will noisy me!!! (today i m alone) kekeke~~~

High Heeled shoes

to me when listen the words "high heels", my mind will define that murder of my feet
before that i was very hated on them, so i cannot understand what is the reason people love them so much
this two days i was wear them for long hours walk and found it was not that much that i hate so
may be is the right time for me before this two days because i don't really open my heart try on them
now i found the tips and key to walk well with them, them for me now is no longer the obstacle cause me to fall~~~


i realize that the belief in heart can deeply affect our action
a lot of hesitation because not enough firm conviction
a lot of confuse because the target is not clear
a lot of mistake because ourselves is less rational and calm
as long as have the conviction and courage to overcome the determination to face the trouble, we will find the key so~~~

Being StroNG

unlucky incident has non stop looking after me
it seem like the wave that never stop
feel a bit helpless and only can withstand it with a smile
do not cry when hurt and injury
force to smile when there is painful
pretend to be strong when afraid
this all is to gain own strong and independent
because there is no one can always rely on another person


tired being strong, but must continue also~~
tonight go down walk walk for calm down myself
the weather down stair very cool and help relaxing my mind and heart~~

like?love?

"like is a intuition can be stopped and it can allows you to have yourself"
"love is a feeling there is unlimited and it can makes you lose yourself"

this two sentences were deep plant inside the heart and mind is like DNA. It is just like a system automatic reboot when every time in dangerous level. Whenever there is feeling of like, she is enjoying it silently. Just like the Cinderella when come to a certain time period the magic missing then everything will come back to origin. The auto reboot system will help her reboot everything even her feel to someone and let everything start from zero again~~~

is that her problem because of too rational? or she love herself more than others because she want to retains her own self?

Credibility

now only i realize that my credibility is so low
people prefer to believe others rhetoric rather than me
is my reputation is too bad?
is that so i always lie to you?
why cannot believe in me?
the rumor is scary even can destroy trust by one sentence
should be learn from experiences in the pass
but why so stupid and open the gate again let them hurt once
i won't be stupid again for this time and never to believe anymore
thanks to the one who create rumor and let me back to the way of protect myself again~~~
i will never expect any help from other anymore to let another rumor appear so....

discovery......lucky?unlucky?

don't know is lucky or unlucky?
my finger was injured in the accident
now i should say great fortune of misfortune in it!
the unfortunately is the accident cause i can't progress on my work
but the lucky is the injured is not so serious until my finger broken
for this incident, i investigated that the people surrounding worried about me so much
thanks for all who care of me and sorry about to make you worried so
i will try my best to protect myself and avoid myself from getting injury again

in this incident, i found out another different of myself. I discovered that i cannot see myself injury and i cannot see my own bloody. Even when the incident happened, i still can calm down and solve it until the end. But then when thing is solved, i would have the feel of faint and like over tired which have the feel want to fall asleep so.It is the same as the situation after i took injection, i will feel the same thing also.

is that because the blood suddenly loss from my body system? the lack of oxygen cause me faint?is that because i cannot believe that i will injury and i m bleeding?

i don't know is that the reason cause me faint so......
but i will take good care of myself and never let this face of myself appear again
i don't want to get injury, don't want bleeding, don't want to faint and don't want people surrounding worry about me anymore....
i won't again let this "weak" of myself appear again........NO NO NO

Metal Casting (Pattern Making)

how were i today? still down?
just can be describe in one word "lucky"
thing run on schedule so
unlucky and mood-less yesterday away so
lucky everything bad thing is away for me
if not i can't imagery what happened to my finger so
even now is get hurt a bit but no matter how still luck
if not sure i lost it or getting big wrap plaster on it

this is what i have done today (come back already 6:30pm skip jogging)
look like recently is what i wrote here is like diary
just report and write down what i have done

PEkan Hostel

a bit down today seem like everything running wrong
a bit dislike to myself may be emotional so today
may be again under stress so even first day
later have to investigate the problem cause
and find out the solution to throw away this moodless

today my psm progress totally dissapointed
i didn't nothing over there today and tomorrow need to rush
today go there only sit sit and listen the explanation for 20 minutes
then i found that a lot of thing that i done in psm 1 is totally not enough
this cause me hard in run the experiment so and need to redo all the paper work later
besides that is a news don't know is good or bad for me
"next week whole week lab is close" so again have to sit and do nothing at here
but i plan to do the paper work on that week
so even the experiment is not run but i know what should do so
hopefully can be done everything as the target state and can go home take a real rest

here is some pictures that i took today about the almost complete look of the pekan hostel
(like this only can said 70%, last time one hard to make others believe so)
there is the electric ready because i saw the fan in room is switch on
water i don't know la...cannot go in but then the size room should consider small a bit but for 2 people one room still consider acceptable















complete painted outlook new hostel pekan and with the tree is planted but still got a lot of part is not complete only can said 70 %






















this is the size of room the nearest to bus stop

Mashimaro and piggy with me

again only the mashimaro and piggy with me
even roommate is back but they busy with their work
one got class whole day for short semester (nancy)
one got lab to do for psm so whole day not here also ( sharon)
left me alone stay here room.....
















today i didn't really do anything so
just check out the timetable for bus schedule
then make a call to book for lab
evening jogging for 15minute finish one round

tomorrow is the new begin of my busy life
time only can pass fast and help me avoid the lonely feel
lonely feel that sitting alone in room for nothing
target lock : fyp perfect report, fyp experiment, jogging

New Fresh Environment

recently the weather here is damn hot
lucky today rain heavy but i fail to get nap so
the rain wash ground and reduce the hot temperature
now is the new and fresh environment
even is new but there is no one sharing this
never mind take it only special for me
treat it as a new begin and new target for me

target and mission:
a. run experiment psm
b. do report psm
c. jogging regularly
d. say "NO" to coffee,tea,Maggi
e. have a steamboat with roommates
f. have a memorable picture of roommates
g. make a last outing this semester with my roommates for 3 years

Chameleon

chameleon is a very special reptile
may be some people might think it was no personality
because it didn't have it own characteristic and own special
for me the special of it is it body skin which can change colour
it will change colour according to the surrounding environment
sometimes green, sometimes red, sometimes brown, sometimes black
it confuse you and cause you can't catch it, can't see it, can't find it











if human could be like that how nice so?
when i was happy, i crawling in the forest and the grass
when i was sad and in danger, i change my body skin colour same to environment to protect myself
this will never happened the feel of helpless again
this will never be afraid of the injuries attacked by others again

St@y up Late Night

again stay up late at night, is no longer that the number that can count

the sun just rise, suddenly felt as want a shoulder to lend on, but i know that is impossible to ask others lend a shoulder during this period. I realize that the reality does not allow me to self-wiled. this make me felt want to get some concerned from others to make me felt not lonely and no longer fight in a person. The vulnerable and afraid feel make me felt hate to myself which is totally different from the usual of myself.












pick up the phone, i just realize there is few people that could i to contact so. No one is willing my call, no one is sacrificed time from sweet dream to listen to me. Feel so pity to myself, the full list of the contact in the photo book is just like that. Finally, i phone the closest person to me------my mother.

~~~~BEEP~~~~BEEP~~~~BEEP~~~~

no one even pick.......my last hope is vanished in the air the same time. I forced to face the reality and continue memorize all the words that show in front of my laptop screen. I keep forcing myselg to fulfill with as much as i could in the brain. Tired~~tired~~~i m really tired~~~but keep forcing myself not to fall asleep and once again i try to press on the button and call to the same number.












The time that i again feel disappointing and thought want to hang up so, there is respond from another side. The voice from mum is warmed and calmed my heart. The nagging from her, the greeting from her, the concern from her totally fulfill my loneliness in my heart. This cause me no longer scare, no longer vulnerable, no longer panic, no longer hesitation. I lead to brave and face my own vulnerability~~~~